When I was about 4 years old we moved from Houston, Texas to a little town called Cushing, Oklahoma which is where I spent the next 13 years of my life. When we arrived in Cushing my parents, of course, needed to find childcare and that is how Mae Troxell came into our lives.

Mae was born in 1902 on a cotton farm in Nacogdoches, Texas so when we moved to Oklahoma in 1972 she was 70 years old. Mae was a tough old broad who was, on a good day, cranky, and on a bad day downright cantankerous. She demanded from all of her clients that she be given authority to spank her charges because she felt that if she assumed responsibility for their safety she also needed to be able to control the kids. I never got a spanking from her but I am pretty sure that both of my brothers felt the sting of the wire handle of a fly swatter on their bare legs a couple of times.

At first Mae started coming to our house only when my parents went out but over time she started coming over every day – sort of like a nanny I guess but the truth is that she was getting old so we were keeping an eye on her as much as she was watching out for us. Despite her prickly demeanor, over time, we came to realize that she cared deeply about all of us. And as I got older she told me stories about her life and she gave me some advice that continues to influence my life to this day.

Mae’s mother died when she was young and her father remarried a woman who had several kids – I don’t recall the exact number but I think there were about 10 kids in the household. Her father had a cotton farm and the whole family worked the farm. According to Mae picking cotton is really hard and unpleasant work. Mae told me that one of her step brothers used to pick unripe pieces of cotton that were still encased in their shells and throw them at her and her sister; apparently getting hit by them hurt a lot. So one day Mae and her sisters ambushed him, held him down, rolled up his pants legs, and beat him around the legs with nettle plants. He never bothered them again. I told you she was tough.

Mae grew up poor, never went to college, and then got married to a man named Lee Troxell who left her with two kids whom she raised in poverty but who turned out alright. Mae was never afraid to work. She always took in washing and ironing to earn extra cash. When she was eligible for social security, she found it didn’t pay enough for her to live on which was why she became our babysitter.

Mae had a tough life and from that life she learned a few things. One of them is not to let anyone bully you (see the above story about her step brother) but that isn’t the advice that affected me so much. Here are the two pieces of wisdom that Mae shared that have affected every decision in my life:

"Hold your head high ‘cause ain’t no one else going to do it for you".
This is advice we can all use. Be proud of yourself and be confident in your abilities because if you aren’t no one else will be. This single sentence has gotten me through some of the toughest times in my life.

"Get the best education money can buy because no one can ever take it away from you".
I preach this to every one of my cousins and any students I work with. A good education is more valuable than gold because it can never be taken away and you will benefit from it every day.

Mae died in August 1985, a month before I left for the University of Chicago. I was sad that she never got to see me go to college but she knew I got accepted to a top-tier university and she was proud. I wish she were still here to see that her lessons are still alive and well and have influenced my life in such a positive way. And hopefully, now that you have read this post, her lessons will influence you too.