Last week we looked at two examples of termination, what they stemmed from, and how to handle them. This week we continue with the third example, which is the rest of my story, and why not to take termination to heart.

When the assistant manager was promoted to manager, I'd been at the firm about two years. I'd started a new specialty and department, and been given a team of recruiters to train and counsel. There was a considerable amount of turnover, because recruiting is difficult, and we were on a draw against commission. But there were always between twelve and sixteen people in the office, and everyone came to me, including those who were supposed to ask the new manager for help. I was a top producer in the office, as well as company wide.

And when she fired me, I hadn’t seen it coming.

What to make of it: She was in her early 20s, like me, and didn't realize that respect was earned, not automatically accorded. She was very pretty, dressed well, and was an excellent recruiter. But she was also arrogant, and clearly relished being an authority figure. She had a way of talking down to people, as if they were insignificant and stupid. She could be warm and funny, but when she was wearing her Manager's hat, she was a nightmare.

How I handled it: This lesson is courtesy of my wise, corporate father, because I was 23 and devastated. He said, "If you haven't been fired at least once in your life, you're not doing something right." Meaning, you're allowing yourself to be intimidated or you’re not willing to go against the grain when that’s what needs to be done.

So when I interviewed, I said what dad advised me to: the truth. "She was promoted into that spot and didn't realize that respect didn't automatically come with the title. When the recruiters in the office came to me for help instead of her, whether they were in my department or not, she was threatened and so she got rid of me." And I would include my production stats so that it was clear my capabilities weren't in question.

There is no reason to be defensive about being fired when it wasn't your fault. Bosses are human. They have issues and insecurities. They take a dislike to people with whom they work, decide to clean house for financial reasons, and behave strangely for reasons that have nothing to do with you. You need to recognize that and not take the termination personally.

Because if you do, you begin wondering what you did wrong and what you should have done differently. When you don’t realize the answer is, "nothing,"” you begin to justify your behavior and become subconsciously defensive. By the time you reach the interviewing stage, you’re afraid the hiring company will find out you were fired and hope it won’t be held against you.

This subtly causes you to act like there's something wrong. It comes out in what you say, how you say it and how you hold yourself. You’re not fully composed, because you’re not fully confident, and thus it appears to the interviewer as if you're not telling the whole story. The hiring authority becomes suspicious and wonders what the real problem is.

Getting fired isn’t always your fault. It’s not always about you. And when it's not, recognize that. Alter your attitude and perspective both mentally and verbally, and stop worrying about it. Answer the "Why did you leave your last job?" question, support it with positive information, and let it be. More often than not, people fail to be hired because of how they handle the issue of their termination, not because of the termination itself. And remember my earlier estimate based on 25 years of working with job seekers? Don't assume there aren't any skeletons in your interviewer's closet either.